Lies, damn lies, and statistics.

The former British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli said, "there are three types of lies - lies, damn lies, and statistics". Apply this to people who give feedback on failed job applications. In the past, I used to receive standard rejection letters, "after careful consideration, we regret to inform you...", blah, blah. The letters were more annoying than disappointing. I tend to rip open the envelope and scan the page for the word "unfortunately"; it's a always a good indicator of whether to bin it straightaway. Those letters were lies, because if they had considered the applications as carefully as they claimed they did, they would have conspired for their managing director to meet an unfortunate event and crowned me as supreme leader and messiah of the company. They didn't do any of the above, so I assume they lied about their supposed careful consideration. Liars.

Recently, I've been receiving more subtle rejection letters. They couch the rejection letter in reassuring words, "we were very impressed with your background and achievements, but this position isn't quite for you...", blah, blah. Too many of these types of rejections have landed on my doormat and in my inbox for it to be true. Which makes them damn lies. How many times can they actually be impressed with my CV (and say so) without actually giving me a job? It must a kind of New Labour ploy not to offend me. Instead of saying a child failed their exams, they say the child's success is deferred. Deferred? Until when? So the parents should be happy because their little sprog might perhaps maybe sometime in the unseen unpredictable future get a good grade, or make something of their life. Maybe. Damn liars.

The last kind of rejection has got to be statistics. Not because they are statistics, but because lies and damn lies have already been used. I've been to interviews for print media, and I get the excuse that I'm "too broadcast". But I've also been to interviews for broadcast media, and they tell me that I'm "too print". Sorry, have I missed something? How can I be both at once? I'm either one or the other. I can't be Superman and Clark Kent at the same time. Or can I? Maybe I can. Statisticians.