Thursday, April 06, 2006

China invents

China isn't satisfied with just being the world's next economic superpower, it wants to dominate in everything else. At the Atlanta Olympics in '96, China won the fourth highest number of medals behind USA, Russia, and Germany, by Athens in '04, it came second behind USA. I'm going to put £100 on China winning more gold medals than USA in Beijing 2008. Normally, the Chinese never figured in track and field, but people like Liu Xiang and Xing Huina changed that.

But forget about athletics, inventions is where its at. A while ago the Chinese said they invented pasta. Pasta? That most Italian of dishes wasn't invented in the land of Michelangelo, but in the far east. As if inventing pasta wasn't enough, they've now said they invented golf! What next will they say they invented? The wheel? Colin Montgomerie must be choking on his haggis and scotch. What amazes me about the Chinese is that they always appear to have evidence to back their claims.

That can't be said for Nigerians. Nigerians never claim to have invented anything, but always claim public figures. Nia Long is apparently Nigerian, Nike Alonge being her real name. She once acted in a film where she had to have a Nigerian accent, that of course must mean she's Nigerian. Rapper Nas is apparently Nigerian. His real name is Nasir Jones, and his father's name is Oludara. But the clincher is the Nasir, which must have been Nasiru, but dropped the "u" to yankify the name. Michael Jackson is apparenly Nigerian as well. Just look at the nose. Not the new nose that's falling off, or the one before that, or the one before that one, but the very first. That looked like a Benin nose to me.

What Nigerians need is a Nigerianness Verification Authority (NVA) who steal samples of suspected Nigerians' DNA. After acquiring the DNA sample, they test it for Nigerianness. They'd need things like saliva from Nasiru's mic after a performance, hair from Nike's brush in the make-up room of film set. Getting something from Michael Jackson's body that is authentic might be a bit difficult. The skin isn't his, the hair is implanted from India, the toenails are probably from a polar bear. The only way to get something authentic from him would be to engage in some shenanigans after drinking "Jesus juice". I wouldn't want to be the NVA officer to do that.

7 comments:

Dilch said...

Awwwwwwwww, no Michael Bashing - don't hit a brother/sister when he/she is down.
Oh, by the way, you missed a couple of famous Nigerians - Kci and JoJo are Nigerians, their real names are Kelechi and Jolomi -though why they have one Igbo and one Yoruba name is beyond me..........
Actually, it might be hard to hang on to these particular "Nigerians", I hear tales that the Ghanians have already taken them - that's right, and in Ghana their names are Kweku and Kojo!!!

chibs said...

at least we have some real nigerian stars, Seal.. and some others. And my cousin just said Oprah and R. Kelly are one of us too. Okpara Winifred and Raluchukwu Kelechi.

TaureanMinx said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
TaureanMinx said...

The Chinese people are doing real damage in Nigeria oh, there are everywhere like little ants taking over all the work cos they are so damn cheap! And they bribe too. What chance does an ethical company like mine have? Zilch

You guys forget R. Kelly aka Rufus Kelechi! But for real I was convinced Micheal was Nigerian, he isn't?????? Lol

sondjata said...

Yes, Pasta is a Chinese invention. They also invented "gun powder."

I never knew Nia Long was Nigerian

;-)

Jeremy said...

From what I see, creativity is stomped out of Nigerian kids at school - the teaching is all about parrot fashion-by wrote - similar to teaching methods in the UK in the 1950s. Kids are not allowed to question too much or ask for explanations behind 'facts'. I don't know if it was always this way, but it reflects the perverse attention granted to the old men in society - none of whom amounted to much.

To unleash the potential of the youth, there needs to be a revolution in the way Nigerian kids are taught. Until that time, Nigeria will continue to be an import-economy, with a cargo-cult relation to innovations and technologies from outside.

Miss YQ said...

As Jeremy so succintly put it, most Nigerians' emphasis on 'real courses' means that there is little or no creativity prevalent in the upcoming generation. We're used to having information shoved down our throats, either from our parents, from school, or from society at large. I'm amazed at the variety of research projects undertaken by students in this country, most of which directly help the industry, and therefore, economy.

If we Nigerians stopped being so sure about everything, and were more open to the sheer burst of creativity that youths provide, then we might just start to improve. Until then, I'm afraid we'll continue to be a laughing stock in the international community.