Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Beginner's guide to bloodless coups

The Thai coup d'etat is pure text book. For anyone who doesn't know how to organise and execute a successful and bloodless coup, here are the steps:
  1. Wait until the president is playing the role of world statesman abroad. If you can help it, make sure he's gone to a gathering of his peers, such as the UN general assembly. In Africa in the 80s, the overthrown leader would likely have been military, and he would have been attending that most prestigious of khaki parades, the OAU. At such a gathering, one can assume that many of his bezzie mates would laughed at him - for getting his chair pulled from under him.
  2. Roll your tanks into the capital city and declare marshal law. Threatening to shoot anybody who moves an inch, oddly enough, gets you in the good books of the citizens.
  3. You must, must, shut down all media. If possible, play the kitsch patriotic military music, as this should remove the people's will to live, let alone stage a demonstration.
  4. Make sure you suspend the current constitution. After doing that, you need the coup de grace. Promise to restore democracy. The point of suspending the current rule of law is so that later, you can restore a new and improved military one.
  5. Even though this is not your doing, people will take to the streets. They will take pictures with tanks, celebrate with soldiers, welcome the new regime. Take credit for it, and say you're doing the will of the people.

The people will eventually get disillusioned with you. Then another military faction will take over. Repeat cycle until oil, terrorists, or communists are found in your country, at which point the US will invade.

8 comments:

babe said...

Loved it and your other blogs. I cannot profess to like politics but still it was an entertainig read.

Confessions of a moody crab said...

Nice one! Quite funny. I personally don't support coups and am sucker for democracy and all shindigs.

Onya Baquebeich said...

Lol...i wonder how the deposed president is being addressed at the UN summit: Mr "chair-pulled from under him" President.

Soul said...

lol!
On point. lol.. I'm sorry I just can't stop laughing at the last point.. 'until Oil, terrorist.....
lol.

Kieran said...

Exactly.

I am right this minute organising a classic Maoist insurgency in the Thai countryside where I hope to appeal to the President's loyal supporters. Naturally I fully expect the expansion of the urban centres and the irrelevance of the rural population to the orchestration of state power to render my movement incapable of victory. I'm aiming for the classic Nepalese stalemate. I can't wait.

ExtrovertedPrude said...

Isn't this just classic...lol. I'm waiting to see whether they'll stay true to their word and put in a civilian head of state in two weeks...now i can't agree that it would be a democratically appointed civilian because No type of election can take place in the space of two weeks. But then again...

Akin said...

But then the overthrown leader was indeed attending that most pretigious of khaki parades, the OAU when he was ousted on the 25th of July 1975 - I remember that day and the leader was Yakubu Gowon.

Through these eyes said...

Nice. I like. I like very much!