Friday, September 08, 2006

We all know one

The Guardian has an "Agony Aunt" column called Private Lives, where people send in their problems, and the readers act as the "aunt". This week's agony concerns a Christian babe who doesn't want to do the dirty before she gets married. This wouldn't be a problem except all her toasters are heathen, and of course, she doesn't want to be "unequally yolked". (I prefer using "yolked" to "yoked" - the contrast between omelettes and sunny side up is a constant reminder of the profundity of the commandment.)

Reading it reminds me of many young Nigerian women. Except that most of them wouldn't have a "diverse range of friends", and wouldn't be able to tell you when they became Christians. It's also amazing that the Guardian has so many Christians writing in, it must have been all five readers who responded. Read on, perhaps you would've had better advice.


culturalmiscellany said...

lol - your way with words always has me chuckling. I don't know how you can claim to be a neutral reporter sometimes as your personal views are stamped all over this post.

Anyway, back to the subject in hand, being unequally yoked. I remember having difficult debates with MrO on this topic. I am a christian but I find this verse in the Bible both puzzling and troubling. I have been a victim of its use and I must say it hurt me but several years on now I am beginning to see that it may have a point but maybe not as harshly as I have seen some people apply it.

There is a case to say that it is difficult (but I would never say impossible) to be in a relationhip with someone who holds different views from yourself on a subject so personally to many people as faith. It is in this essence that I think the verse stands, more as a caution than as a rule that must be obeyed on pain of death. I believe the Bible verses are there to guide me; many times I will agree with them but many times I do not. What I have found amusing over the years are those that I have rejected as ridiculous and/or inappropriate yet which now I find palatable or indeed helpful to my life. Many would say that is the 'scales being llifted from my eyes'. Me, I say its just life and its normal twists and turns.

In terms of the girl in question I would advise her to stay friends with the guy and see what happens. In my opinion if you're at the point where you're placing such a high view on your friends opinion of your relationship and are so easily swayed from believeing that the person you are with is destined to be your life partner then there is a strong chance that you heart is not really in it and you should exit the relationship anyway, irrespective of their beliefs. Then again my life is no walk in the park so who am I to offer advice in this way???

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Anonymous said...

LOL...sorry, but it's always the christian women who are saving themselves for christian men who are not.
if that isn't unequally yoked, then i don't know what is.
i laugh everytime i hear someone naively utter that phrase. god she's 24 and she's never had sex. that's crazy.

soul said...

Too much bollocks going on here.

i've already said, some people dost protest too loudly, they've replaced Sex with God and boy is it messing with their mental.

Gosh, is sex really that dirty?, that bad... or is it really that dirty and that bad in the mind of some 'christians'.

God shouldn't be the reason you don't want to have sex, it should be because you think you are not ready to have it. Irrespective of age. Or becuase you just don't want to.

No wonder she's conflicted, as are a gazillion other Naija women out there, who use the bible as their personal chastity belt.

I wonder how people develop healthy relationships with God when God has become the excuse?.

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? said...


Beautifully Human said...

@ soul: " God shouldn't be the reason you don't want to have sex, it should be because you think you are not ready to have it. Irrespective of age. Or becuase you just don't want to."
So then, could the same way of thinking apply to many other dilemmas in life? e.g. given the choice to cheat or steal should one refrain from doing so purely because they dont want to or bcos they know it would offend God? As human beings we all have a conscience and have an inherent knowledge of what's right and wrong, but most times this doesnt prevent us from following the wrong paths or making the wrong choices. Having God's commandments as our guide can only be a good thing bcos it convicts us in making the right judgements.

soul said...

@beautifuyl human..
One should refrain from cheating or stealing because it is the wrong thing to do.
If you need the bible to tell you that, then I'm afraid we see things in extremely different ways.

Having God's commandments should be a good thing, but God also gives all of us common sense and free will and choice.

I can quote the number of times God's commandments have been used for evil and are at present being used for evil, I'm sure even you know this.

My point which in no way denies the power or the usefulness of 'God's commandments' actually lays emphasis on human beings..

i.e. Many people use 'the word of God as a crutch, and at that point common sense tends to flee them.

From girls who will willingly lay down and commit adultery with 'their pastors' because they don't want to disobey a 'man of God', to those who can read the bible and decide that God doesn't want us to dance.

There are many alleged people who are claiming to be christians and who exalt the holier than thou attitude not becuase they truly believe but because they are too scared not to be a part of the group think. ANd this is extremely endemic in the Naija chritian community.

You say God's commandments convicts us in making the right judgements... really?
Then how come soo many times we get it wrong where it matters.

AIDS and HIV is decimating the population of Africa but the pope (I was born Roman Catholic by the way) insists that God's conviction is leading him to make a 'right judgement' to say that using a condom is wrong?. And that mofo is still spreading that verbal diarrhea out of the mouth.

Is it God's conviction which is driving most christian churches to make a judgement to denounce maasturbation? one of the most natural reactions to our own bodies.

Is it Gods conviction which drove the West to make the decision to rape, torture and enslave many Africans, or let's bring it a little forward...

Is it God's conviction which is causing many pastors to preach intolerance and in many cases the murder of homosexuals?

Was it God's conviction which drove George Bush (who apparently talks to God personally) to make the decision to shock and awe Iraq?.

Anonymous said...

She can always try Christian speed dating or better still, have a christian internet dating site match her up (for profit, btw).

Meanwhile, it appears that the 'single and satisfied' tag line is not working for all our christian sisters.

Death to celibacy.

Beautifully Human said...

hmmmm......I think I will continue this interesting debate on my blog.

Anonymous said...

God said fornication is wrong, same way he said stealing and so and so is wrong. if you don't believe in that God, soul, that one na your own palava. God did not make sex dirty, it was overzealous man that did that, go read Song of Solomon, cos that is erotica right there, but note they were married and that is the whole point.

it is a huge cross to bear, esp since no body is rushing into marriage these days, but for you to succeed you need to understand why God has stipulated that sex been done within the confines of marriage. its kind of like solving a PDE if you dont get the physical meaning, what is the point? and it will be that much harder to solve the PDE.

i would tell the girl to channel her energy into something else, talk about it if she must. after i talk about sex so much i must disgust a lot of ppl, lol but thats all it is... talk. it has proved a tremendous help for me. i have decided to wait for marriage, first and foremost because God said so and because i strongly believe it is a logical way to achieve my goals. if i end up note waiting, i wont kill myself, its not a million dollar decision

as for calling the pope a mofo, there is no need to resort to that, im sure you can state your opinions without resorting to slander. ever checked why he said don't use condoms? how does being born roman catholic justify your arguments? while you may not agree with him, what research have you done into the premises of his arguments?

soul said...

If you actually read what I said properly, you will realise that

1)I very much believe in God. That's why, I will question anything a pastor says which doesn't feel right.

2) I did NOT say God made sex dirty.

3)I did not slander the pope. I insulted him.

4)I stated I was born roman catholic in order to illustrate that whilst I was born into a belief system, it doesn't mean that I fall in step with everything that is taught without question.

Reading comprehension is a beautiful thing, however if you can't take the time to do it, then that is your palaver.

To make an effort to type out that you disagree with me and then further down the line agree with me when you say that 'overzealous man made sex dirty' kinda shows that you, just like beautiful human really don;t take the time to actually figure out what is being said before offering a rebuttal.

But like you so elloquently put it, that really is your own palava.. it just makes for an impossible discussion.